Supporting Your Child's Emotional Wellbeing: A Therapist’s Guide for Parents
The conversation around mental health has been growing over the last decade. With that, we have a better understanding of children’s mental health, and how important it is to foster healthy mental wellbeing for children. As parents, there is a lot to take on when raising children. With the growing noise of social media, opinions about how to take care of children are louder than ever, especially when it comes to the topic of mental health. The goal of this blog post is to give you a therapeutic view on how to support your children’s mental health.
Listen to What They Have to Say
It is important that children feel listened to. While sometimes we may not understand immediately, it is important to allow them the space to talk with a nonjudgemental stance. It can be an important tool to seek to listen to understand what they are saying, rather than listening to respond. Even if they say something that doesn’t make sense - or have done something wrong - they often have some explanation for it. Listening to understand can open up many opportunities for them to learn. Though it is important to have boundaries for our children, when our kids open up about something that happened it is important to make a safe space first.
Sometimes, kids will try to talk to us when we are in the middle of something. It isn’t always possible for us to stop and listen to them when that happens. Here is something that can be good to help them feel heard: “I would love to hear what you have to say, but I am busy right now. Can I come talk to you once I get a break, so I can fully listen to what you have to say?”
Making it clear that you find what they have to say important, as well as setting a clear time (that we stick to) can make the child feel comfortable.
Sometimes our child might forget what they had to say if they have to wait. If they appear worried you can ask them to write down or draw out what they want to say. If they don’t have a great concept of time, depending on their age, you can give them a timer to look at to track the time.
Start Conversations About Feelings and Mental Health
Children experience a range of emotions, just like adults do. This is why having conversations about mental health can be so important. Although mental health can be a complicated or nuanced topic, it is important to speak to them in an age appropriate manner about this topic. By letting them know that emotional wellbeing is important, you are opening the door for them to come to you when they may be struggling in the future.
Examples of age appropriate conversations related to mental and emotional health:
“How are you feeling today?”
“Do you ever feel very sad or very scared?”
“Did you know that you can always talk to me about your feelings?”
Another thing that can help them understand emotions is letting them know that you experience emotions as well. While it is important to keep appropriate boundaries around what and when we share, it is healthy to speak openly about your emotions. It helps normalize them.
While it can be important to let our kids know that we also experience emotions, it is important to make sure that they don’t take on the load of our emotions for us. Something that can help with that is letting our kids know we are still there for them, and will still be there to care for them. For example: “Even though I am feeling upset, I am still going to take you to baseball, and I know I can feel better soon.”
Acknowledge Your Child’s Strengths
As a parent, it is good to take time and acknowledge the things they are good at to lift them up. It is also important to offer a mix of praise for doing and praise for being. Praise for doing focuses on a person's specific actions, efforts, or behaviors, while praise for being focuses on fixed traits or inherent qualities.
For example, praise for doing may sound like: "You worked really hard on that project" or "I noticed how patiently you listened to your friend today" — it acknowledges what someone did, which reinforces the value of effort and growth. Praise for being, by contrast, sounds like: "You're so smart" or "You're a natural" — it attributes outcomes to innate qualities rather than effort. Research in developmental psychology, particularly the work of Carol Dweck, suggests that praise for doing tends to foster a growth mindset, encouraging resilience and a willingness to take on challenges, whereas praise for being can inadvertently create a fixed mindset, where individuals may avoid difficulty for fear of disproving the label they've been given. In therapeutic and educational contexts, shifting toward effort-based, process-focused praise is generally considered more supportive of long-term wellbeing and motivation.
If you’re experiencing any uncertainty about how to speak with your own children about mental health, receiving support from a mental health professional can be a great step to take.
Ellie Staples
Ellie is an undergraduate intern for Flourish Counseling & Wellness. She is currently a fourth-year student at Colorado State University, majoring in psychology with a concentration in clinical counseling.
Ellie hopes to continue her education in graduate school this fall with a goal of becoming a licensed therapist working with children and adolescents.
Remington is a 2.5 year old medical alert service dog. He has been doing service work for the last year and a half, and he hopes to one day to add therapy dog to his list of skills.
