Emotional Labor and the Myth of Holding it All Together
What Is Emotional Labor—and How Does It Lead to Overwhelm in Our Lives? Think of emotional labor as your home’s thermostat. While it quietly keeps things running smoothly, its importance often goes unnoticed. Yet, it plays a vital role in maintaining balance and comfort for everyone inside.
Now, consider how this applies to your emotional world. Have you ever smiled through a conversation that upset you just to keep the peace? Diffused a tense situation even when you were emotionally triggered? Anticipated the needs of others—physical or emotional—while pushing your own feelings aside?
If you find yourself nodding along, you may be taking on a heavy load of emotional labor. Over time, constantly being the “glue” that holds everything together can lead to emotional exhaustion and overwhelm.
Carrying an Excessive Burden
While some emotional labor is an inevitable and healthy part of relationships and work, it’s important to recognize when it becomes too much. Here are a few signs you might be carrying an excessive emotional burden:
Feeling responsible for the moods or reactions of others
Apologizing frequently, even when you haven’t done anything wrong
Feeling emotionally drained or resentful
Feeling unseen or overlooked by others
When we notice this pattern, our instinct may be to talk about it with loved ones. Unfortunately, these conversations don’t always go as planned. Often, one partner or family member tries to express their exhaustion, only to be met with defensiveness. The result? Silence, disconnection, and continued suffering for the person carrying the emotional weight.
Shifting the Pattern
So, what can you do to start shifting this pattern?
Set aside intentional time to discuss the issue when both parties are calm and receptive.
Express how you feel without resentment or blame.
Seek support from trusted friends or professionals if needed.
Prioritize self-care and give yourself permission to rest.
Pause before taking on more emotional responsibilities.
Practice setting small boundaries that honor your needs.
Taking responsibility for everyone else’s emotions and well-being can quickly lead to burnout. Society often sends the message that we must hold everything together and appear unaffected by chaos. But the truth is—you were never meant to do this alone.
It’s okay to share the load. Allow yourself the space to breathe, to rest, and to simply be.
Anna Grace, Clinical Intern
Anna Grace is a Clinical Intern, completing her Masters Degree in Clinical Counseling at Bellevue University. Anna Grace is on track to be a Licensed Professional Counselor in Colorado.
She loves to work with teens and young adults navigating life’s challenges and transitions. Her approach is holistic and integrative, acknowledging the complexity of human existence.