How to Communicate Better With Your Partner During Conflict

Communication in relationships can be scary. When conflict arises, we often feel stressed, defensive, and vulnerable. With proper communication skills, we can turn a challenging situation into one where we grow closer to our partner and feel truly heard. 

The Basics

Before you enter into a conversation that may be difficult, ensure that it is the right time to do so. We often feel a sense of urgency to resolve conflict because of the discomfort that comes alongside it. Determine if you or your partner needs space to cool down or process emotions prior to the conversation. Set a time within 24 hours to talk. 

Think about the goal. What is the purpose of the conversation? What do you want them to understand? What are you working towards in the grand scheme of things?

During the conversation, make sure you are listening to understand, not listening to respond. Be present in the conversation and approach with an openness to what your partner feels. Try to be an active listener, maintain eye contact, don’t interrupt, and ask for clarification if you need it. Take turns and be mindful of how your messages are being conveyed and received.

Tips & Tricks

Specify what you want and need from the conversation. Sometimes you need solutions, problem-solving, change, and sometimes you just need to be heard and comforted. Set boundaries on how you need the conversation to go. 

Allow space to disagree; it is okay to have opposing beliefs or feelings. 

Use “I” statements. Try not to start a conversation with blame, such as “you always” or “you never”. This promotes defensiveness and hostility. 

Express empathy and understanding towards your partner. 

Set aside time for regular check-ins, even when there is no active conflict. 

Decide on how you best feel “repair” after the conversation if it is especially difficult. 

Say what you mean directly, even if it is uncomfortable at first. Don’t leave room for guessing. 

After a difficult conversation, it is important to come back together and show love and appreciation for each other. Communication in conflict and in vulnerable topics can be difficult. Remember your why. There is a reason that you care enough to have the big conversations. Focus on repair if needed and show appreciation for your partner even if the conversation isn’t a conflict. 

Campbell, Alyse, Lewis, Maggie, & Zhand, Sherry. (2024). Communication in relationships doesn’t have to be scary, part 1. Useful skills for dating, friendship, and more. Johns Hopkins University. https://wellbeing.jhu.edu/blog/2024/10/18/communication-in-relationships-doesnt-have-to-be-scary/ 

Effective Communication in a Relationship: 5 Ways to Communicate Better. (2025). Gottman Institute. https://www.gottman.com/blog/effective-communication-in-a-relationship-5-ways-to-communicate-better/ 

Maintaining a Healthy Relationship. (2024). National Alliance on Mental Illness.https://www.nami.org/family-members-and-caregivers/maintaining-a-healthy-relationship/

Anna Grace, Clinical Intern

Anna Grace is a Clinical Intern, completing her Masters Degree in Clinical Counseling at Bellevue University. Anna Grace is on track to be a Licensed Professional Counselor in Colorado.

She loves to work with adults, young adults, and teens navigating anxiety, life’s transitions, interpersonal relationship challenges, and maternal mental health. Her approach is holistic and integrative, acknowledging the complexity of human existence.